(430): we told you you couldn’t get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were ‘discriminating you’
(208): how come you came home with “Cecile owns this” written on your forhead
(410): I’m gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
(512): He sent me a 2am email the just said “Ping”. Nerdiest booty call ever.
(615): He’s drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck’s your excuse?
(315): I’m bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
(954): Cause I’ll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell “Cobra attack” and walk away
(417): Guess who isn’t pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
(518): You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, “did it open?”
(949): Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.