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(430): we told you you couldn’t get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were ‘discriminating you’ 

(430): we told you you couldn’t get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were ‘discriminating you’ 

(208): how come you came home with “Cecile owns this” written on your forhead

(208): how come you came home with “Cecile owns this” written on your forhead

(410): I’m gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.

(410): I’m gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.

(512): He sent me a 2am email the just said “Ping”. Nerdiest booty call ever.

(512): He sent me a 2am email the just said “Ping”. Nerdiest booty call ever.

(615): He’s drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck’s your excuse?

(615): He’s drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck’s your excuse?

(315): I’m bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico 

(315): I’m bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico 

(954): Cause I’ll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell “Cobra attack” and walk away

(954): Cause I’ll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell “Cobra attack” and walk away

(417): Guess who isn’t pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?! 

(417): Guess who isn’t pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?! 

(518): You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, “did it open?”

(518): You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, “did it open?”

(949): Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.

(949): Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.