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(304): He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE. 

(304): He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE. 

(810): Don’t take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you

(810): Don’t take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you

(727): I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus 

(727): I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus 

(440): I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.

(440): I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.

(516): Are you with Adam and his vodka?
(1-516): Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued

(516): Are you with Adam and his vodka?

(1-516): Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued

(631): A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me

(631): A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me

(801): Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.

(801): Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.

(312): You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?

(312): You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?

(The card giveaway is now closed. Thanks to everyone who wrote in!)

(303):  Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it’s the best/worst April fools prank ever.

(303):  Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it’s the best/worst April fools prank ever.