(519): Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
(210): We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It’s why we are friends.
(651): Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
(727): So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
(303): We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
(267): I think I’ve been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
(+35): I’m developing all these feelings. it’s disgusting.
(713): I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn’t drink tequila.
(214): Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
(813): I still don’t know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
(832): Ah, but I don’t wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.